My Ship is Sinking.

October. This month is difficult for me. It's my diagnoses month, plus it's, you guessed it, Breast Cancer Awareness month. I'm sure none of you have noticed. I can't imagine the sea of pink ribbons and all the advertisements gave it away. "If you buy this *insert some unnecessary pink merchandise*, a portion of the proceeds goes to support breast cancer awareness". Although pink is pretty, and just so happens to be my favorite color, it doesn't even begin to encompass what the true meaning of breast cancer awareness (education) month should be. Sure, it's great for mass marketing because everyone knows what a pink ribbon stands for, but does it really serve it's purpose anymore? In case you didn't know...

The Original Breast Cancer Ribbon

Charlotte Hayley, who had battled breast cancer, introduced the concept of a peach coloured breast cancer awareness ribbon. She attached them to cards saying, "The National Cancer Institute's annual budget is 1.8 billion US dollars, and only 5 percent goes to cancer prevention. Help us wake up our legislators and America by wearing this ribbon."

Haley was strictly grassroots, handing the cards out at the local supermarket and writing prominent women, everyone from former First Ladies to Dear Abby. Her message spread by word of mouth. Haley distributed thousands of these cards.

The peach colored ribbon of Hayley aroused interest from Alexandra Penney, editor in chief of Self magazine, who was working on Self magazine's 1992 National Breast Cancer Awareness Month issue. She saw the initiative to adapt to Hayley's idea by working with her. But Hayley rejected the offer saying that Self's initiative was too commercial.

And yet we're there. Too commercial. Susan G. Komen, the first to initiate the pink ribbon movement after Charlotte refused to give anyone permission to use the color peach. She recognized all these other companies had one agenda, promoting their product, not preventing breast cancer. Susan G. Komen spends a great deal of the money on publicity, or what they call 'Public Health Education' (aka - shirts, hats, screening awareness, etc.), administrative costs and fund-raising costs. Not toward actual research to find a cure. Don't get me wrong, prevention is important, but 40% of all breast cancers are diagnosed by self breast exams. Screenings and mammograms only detect breast cancer, and even in some cases don't - like mine, and they definitely don't END breast cancer. There really needs to be more money going toward research to end this menacing disease, but that won't happen until we all fight for change because let's face it, not even the NFL will save us. 108 people will still die today. I'm sure they all got a mammogram though.

Aside from the overly obnoxious pink campaign that is constantly staring me in the face reminding me of my still recent battle scars, this month I will find out if my back pain is, well, cancer. I've been experiencing back pain for the last month and a half, and to say I've been a wreck over it is an understatement. Granted I started working out at the YMCA in August, ran 8.6 miles the beginning of September and continue to run, and do yoga once a week. At this point, torn muscles, pinched nerves, a compressed vertebra, fracture, or a slipped disc are all very likely scenarios, but that's not where my mind goes. It goes to a very, very dark, lonely, scary place. Cancer. I can't even begin to describe the fear, and anxiety of having my cancer recur.

There's a hole on deck and my ship is sinking fast. Someone throw me a life preserver.